Several younger friends of mine have lost their fathers recently. What I tell them is, it never goes away. My father has been gone for over a quarter of a century and I still feel the impulse to pick up the phone.

Very often, it is about baseball. Every time Frank Francisco is teetering in the ninth inning, I feel like calling my father, who never heard of Frank Francisco, and blurting in morbid tones, “He’s going to give up a grand slam right now.”

Of course, in this new age, my son sends me text messages like, “What are they doing?”

My dad would have loved text messages. He was a newspaper guy, would have loved brevity, learned to edit copy on a computer in his late 60’s. I still can’t perform that intricate task and have great admiration for his picking up a new skill at that age.

The other thing is politics. I grew up hearing my father emitting a growl about McCarthy or Nixon. I’d love to hear him whenever Mitt Romney says something oily.

But the thing I miss the most about my father is his knowledge. He dropped out of high school at 15, but knew so much about books, movies, politics, sports and history. He taught me to love New York City – the ethnic enclave on the Brooklyn-Queens border where he lived as a kid, which other people (not him) pronounced Greenpernt. I have no interest in ever leaving New York because of the drives and subway rides we took when I was a little kid. A war bond rally at Ebbets Field around 1944. The Automats. News stands.

He was always on my side, on all five of his kids’ sides. I realize that more all the time.

Wish I could ask him about the Hungarian politician (whose name I am forgetting) who visited his neighborhood right after World War One, or the first game ever at Yankee Stadium in 1923. My dad played hooky, at 13 so he could attend. I never did slow down and ask him about that day. Wish I could call him. It never goes away.

 


Comments

06/15/2012 11:38am

Hi George,

I've been enjoying the Musial bio, which I bought and am reading on behalf of my late Dad who loved Musial and I'm certain would have loved your book. Happy father's day.

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George Vecsey
06/15/2012 1:11pm

Jon, thanks, it is funny how books make us feel close to somebody. My mom, English-born, had great regard for both Churchill and FDR, and whenever I read bios or histories involving them, I think of how proud she was.
Musial is kind of a father figure, too, as John Hall points out in that early chapter. The book did very well at this time last year.
So did John Feinstein's book on Bobby Knight years ago -- every woman in America bought that for her father or husband.
Best to you, father or not...GV

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Hansen Alexander
06/15/2012 1:12pm

George,

I can think of all kinds of things I wished I had talked about with my father, two decades gone, now that he is not around. The problem is those questions don't seem nearly as important when your father is alive. Last night I was reading the memoirs of former Canadian prime minister Brian Maloney and he described a scene at his father's deathbed when the old man (actually only 61) was dying of cancer. They talked about everything else. Exactly what happened when my father was in a hospice.

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hansen alexander
06/15/2012 1:17pm

Ooops, sorry Canada for misspelling Maroney. His memoirs are delightful reading...

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Hansen Alexander
06/16/2012 12:21pm

Okay Mulroney, you got to edit your blog, George, because I don't think I can spell anymore, but that should not distract from your moving tribute to your Dad, and your usual class, grace, and courage, in never being afraid to admit that you are human and care--care about the mine victims in West Virginia, care about missing your parents, care about the devastating destruction of breast cancer, care about the importance and positive influence of teachers, care about the community of Queens you grew up in and the friends you grew up and went to school with, care about orphans and their assimilation into new countries and new cultures, care about your own family and the good work they do, care about us readers who pester you with thoughts which seldom tries your patience, care about the integrity of American life and the integrity and fairness of sports. Your father must have been a great guy to impart those values.

Michael Berman
06/15/2012 2:35pm

George,

Beautifully said.

Happy Father's Day.

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Chris Young
06/16/2012 6:39am

Whenever something crazy happens in sports, whenever I read a good book, whenever the Jays make a move or the Supreme Court decides a notable case, whenever the Conservative dinosaur of the day says something dinosaurian ... I could go on. Whenever whatever, I ask myself what would Dad say.
Happy Father's Day, George (you were never a token Yank in SA. Singular New Yorker, yeah, but Yank, never). And now to get that Musial book.

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Alan Rubin
06/16/2012 6:54am


George

Your very moving tribute to your father’s memory resonates, in various ways, with all of us. The loss of a loved one can be related to the amputation of a limb; you know that it is gone but it still feels as if it is there.

My father died 41 years ago at the age of 66. My wife’s died 55 years ago when she was 17.

Although our children were 5 and 8 at the time of my father’s death and they never knew Sandi’s father, they and our grandchildren are aware of their virtues and have been influenced by their values.

Continual reminders of those who are gone are infinitely more rewarding than a card on an annual commercial day.

George, you captured what matters.




.

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Altenir Silva
06/16/2012 12:54pm

Beautiful text about your Dad. Our parents are our friends forever. They never go out of our minds and hearts.
Feliz Dia dos Pais.
Abraços - Altenir (from Brazil)

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George Vecsey
06/16/2012 7:52pm

Igualmente, amigo..GV

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Suzanne Taylor
06/16/2012 8:21pm

George, I still miss him too. I learned so much from him.

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Janet Vecsey O'Rourke
06/16/2012 10:57pm

Hi George,
I just wrote a long comment with some memories of Dad, hit some key and it all disappeared. Modern technology - bah humbug!
I miss him too, and Mom. Often wish I could talk to them and share what's going on in my life. I believe they know.
Happy Father's Day to an involved, loving dad, and a spectacular big brother! Love, Jane

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George Vecsey
06/17/2012 10:06am

Thanks to you both. You both saw a lot of Pop when he had some time. See you soon, Love, G

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Brian Savin
06/17/2012 8:32pm

The Hungarian...was it Apponyi, one of many of T.R.'s Euro-friends? What did your Dad say about him?

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George Vecsey
06/17/2012 11:27pm

Brian: I had second thoughts after writing that. It may have been a public figure from another nation who was visiting Brooklyn-Queens around 1919. I am going to have to do some research on this. GV

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George Vecsey
06/19/2012 6:55pm

Glad I checked. My father was adopted by a Hungarian family. But it was not a Hungarian politician my father met in Brooklyn; it was Eamon de Valera, the president of the Sinn Fein who left Ireland for the United States from June 1919 to September 1920 to raise money. My father had a lovely singing voice and was asked to perform for de Valera at a rally in Brooklyn when he was around 10. My sister Janet confirmed that my father, on rare occasions, would mention it. How I wish I could ask him about that day. I've said this before: young people should ask questions of old people. GV

Brian Savin
06/20/2012 8:16am

Fascinating. My, wouldn't it be funny if he sung for him in my grandfather's gin mill across the NY bay, or in Patty Gleason's. Similar places was where most of the money was raised.
Egesegedre!

ps. If ever the spirit moves you, tell us if you ever met your grandparents and whether your grandmother really knew her way around a paprika mill!

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George Vecsey
06/20/2012 1:32pm

Brian: Thanks for asking. I wrote a lot about my parents in my 1988 book, "A Year in the Sun."
My mother's mother was born in County Waterford, Ireland -- hence my dual passports. My father's adoptive mother was born in Hungary. I knew both of them -- wish I had asked questions. My dad's mother served a sip of Tokay wine to our two little girls, age 2 and 4, very European. (I described my aunt Irene in a Christmas essay.)
My maternal grandfather died before I was born; I met my father's adoptive father once for an hour or two. I love being a presence in my grandkids' lives -- getting a text message from Seattle: "Hi, kid." Very cool. GV

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Alan Rubin
06/22/2012 7:48am

George-today's ease of communication and travel allows us to keep in touch with our grandchildren more readily than earlier generations.

I flew from MA to Madison, WI to run a weekend soccer goalie clinic after my twelve year old granddaughter tweeted me to help her and two other goalies on her team. Weeks later I asked my daughter how Tamar's team was doing. Jen replied that the team was still losing, but they were enjoying things better. Tamar and her friends are still taking about the weekend as am I. As the ad says,"priceless".

Charles in Absecon
06/21/2012 2:58am

My father, a first-ballot Hall of Famer, though even that doesn't do him justice, has been gone 18 years. I can't be certain of this, of course, but I do believe not one day has passed since then that I have not thought of him at least once.
I was 31 when he died. When I make the obvious wish that he had lived longer, I think about how much I would have loved to have been able to do more for him as he got older, to help him out in some small ways. Just little gestures of payment for all he did for me.
But neither one of us could have ever lived long enouogh for me to make anything close to full payment.
Would have loved to try, though.

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George Vecsey
06/21/2012 10:08am

How true. But my guess is that if you feel that way now, there are few 180-degree sentiments. You probably were on the right track back then. But at very least it would be nice to ask a few more questions, to acknowledge backwards. I think we all today are more comfortable about expressing ourselves. GV

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Martin Berliner
06/22/2012 12:29pm

My Father died in 1984. Your comments about your own Father really resonated with me. I think of my Father, an insurance broker and Golden Gloves boxer as a kid, all the time, practically every day. When I spent last Sunday with my son at the College World Series in Omaha, I thought back to my first Giants game with my Father at the Polo Grounds in 1946. We sat in Section 5, just over the wall next to the 257 ft. foul pole, for a Cardinal-Giant game. He was a member of the Section 5 Club. I always wondered why the "Club" didn't sit in a more preferred location. In any event, those memories remain with you regardless of how old you are. Best.

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George Vecsey
06/22/2012 5:55pm

That was the year my dad took me to Ebbets Field for the first time.
I reprised it on the NYT blog. Great memories with a parent stick forever -- sports are fairly easy to recreate because they involve a specific event on a certain day. So they really stay with us.

http://bats.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/04/04/do-you-remember-your-first-ball-game/

best, GV

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